Rules of Hogwarts
by The Moon's Mistress
Summary: CRACK FIC/ how the rules of "things i am not allowed to do at hogwarts" came to be. Summary sucks but its hilarious and random trust me. PLEASE READ rated T for now but that may change
1. Beginning

**Well…I found a list of "things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts" online and was slapped by inspiration. So I will be writing a SHORT CHAPTER for each rule (because there are a lot of them) and try to make it as ridiculous and funny and possible lol. Maybe I will even add a few of my own ;) I do have a few ideas**

**Before I start this story I feel the need to make it clear that this is a crack fic. Basically NOTHING will follow the books except for names, and people will be severely out of character. In the other hand it will be extremely random and hilarious (to me at least). So lets begin…**

*******Disclaimer****: I do not own the characters of Harry Potter**

**Rules of Hogwarts**

As the Golden trio sat in the common room after the welcome back feast for their last year at Hogwarts, they began to wonder something.

"hey Hermione?"

"yeah?"

"you know we have probably broken every rule in the school over the years. But I was thinking," Harry started. "they made those rules for a reason right? Well Sirius told me over the summer how whenever he and the rest of the Marauders did something 'stupid' the teachers would make a rule against it. With it being our last year and everything I thought maybe we should have them make rules about us. We could get the twins and Ginny to help us." **(I know the twins are like 2 years ahead of them, so lets just say they came back this year to finish school since they left when Umbridge was there)**

"I don't know Harry we could get in a lot of trouble…"

"we always get into trouble anyway so why not make this last year fun?" Ron grumbled. "I'm in."

"me too," Ginny said walking over and sitting next to Harry. "sorry I overheard you guys talking when you said my name."

"we are in too," the twins echoed sneaking up behind us.

Hermione rounded on them. "you were spying on us again? Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

"oh come on 'Mione you need to learn how to have fun!" Fred said enthusiastically.

"I know how to have fun. I-"

"don't even finish that sentence because reading is not fun." George supported his twin.

"Ugh, fine I'm in too…" Hermione muttered something that sounded like 'stupid peer pressure'.


	2. Hug a Slytherin Day

The next morning the friends gathered into the Great Hall for breakfast.

" okay everyone ready?"

"totally" ginny said excitedly.

"okay then, oh and be sure you have your wands….you don't know how they will react," Hermione said with a nervous giggle.

With that said the 6 of them, being Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, George, and Fred, walked over to the slytherin table.

Hermione went to stand by Draco, Ginny stood by Blaise, Harry went to Pansy, Ron went to Millicent, Fred walked over by Goyle, George stood by Crabbe.

The slytherins in question turned to look at the odd Gryffindors.

Suddenly the Gryffindors hugged their respective slytherin tightly and yelled "HAPPY 'HUG A SLYTHERIN' DAY!"

Most people in the great hall had already been watching since the group had walked over to the slytherin table, but after hearing that those who hadn't been watching were now. Including the teachers.

Dumbledore stood up and screamed.

"FINALLY! SHOW THEM SOME LOVE CHILDREN! SLYTHERINS WERENT HUGGED ENOUGH WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG SO SHOW THEM YOU CARE!" and without further words Dumbledoor turned and tackle Snape out of his chair and began to snuggle him on the ground.

The student body sat watching the scene with wide eyes, that somehow grew larger when they heard a girlish squeal from the slythernin table.

"OH HERMIONE! I DIDN'T THINK YOU CARED! DUMBLEDOOR IS RIGHT! I WAS NEVER HUGGED AS A CHILD! MUMMY DIDN'T LOVE ME!" draco had begun to hug her back tighter and buried his face in her neck.

Hermione stood still and tensed as if ready to bolt the second he let her go. She looked to her friends, who had released the slytherins and were now watching malfoy and Hermione with interest, over his shoulder and mouthed 'help me' to them.

Harry, always the hero, tried to pry malfoy off of her but other ended up with the blonde attached to him instead.

"I never hated you harry! I wanted to be your friend. WHY COULDN'T WE BE FRIENDS?" Malfoy sobbed.

"uh if I'll be your friend will you please let me go?" Harry asked hesitant and hopeful.

"yes!"

"ok then we are friends, so you can let go now…..?"

"YAY!" draco squealed again and tackle harry to the ground with the force of his second hug before releasing him and standing up.

"…..whoops?" malfoy giggle. Yes you heard me GIGGLED! Like a 6 year old girl!

"uh its okay?"

"'tay" malfoy smiled and him and helped him up.

The rest of the room had remained quiet this whole time, their eyes going from where Dumbledore still snuggled the struggling Snape on the floor by the teachers table to Harry's group, and back.

Snape had escaped Dumbledore grasp and ran around to the other side of the table, trying to dodge him as Dumbledore pounced for him again.

As Snape ran out of the Great Hall's doors he yelled "IT ISN'T ALLOWED TO DECLARE A 'HUG A SLYTHERIN' DAY EVER AGAIN!"

"oh severus? Im gonna get cha!" Dumbledore grinned as he chased Snape out.

The sound of a hufflepuff girl fainting and falling to the floor echoed throughout the room, but everyone was too shocked to notice.

**Rule 1**

I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DECLARE AN OFFICIAL 'HUG A SLYTHERIN' DAY

***at the end of every chapter I should have the OFFICIAL rule that that chapter used.**

**Okay so first chapter done lol. That was fun to write. Not sure if it makes sense but I guess it doesn't really have to. So did you like it? Hate it? Review and tell me! :DDD**


	3. Potions Class

Now with Draco Malfoy as their 'friend' the group headed off to their classes for the day.

Even running to the dungeon they were still late to Potions and Snape was in a foul mood after the scene at breakfast.

"you are late 10 points from Gryffindor EACH!"

"BURN!" Draco pointed and started laughing.

"Mr. Malfoy while I am sure this 'burn' was evident thank you for pointing it out Captain obvious." Snape said in a dead pan voice.

"you are quite welcome lieutenant sarcasm!" the students in the room stared at Malfoy, disturbed by his recent attitude change.

"5 points from Slytherin for your…..immaturity."

"well sorry not all of us can be older then dirt like you. When's your birthday again? How old are you going to be this year? A million?"

"OOOOOOH BURN!" the entire class laughed as Snape's face grew red.

"Mr. Malfoy go to the headmaster THIS INSTANT!"

"okay" Mr. Malfoy left the room skipping and singing "we're off the see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Hogwarts!"

"NO SINGING!" Snape yelled after him. "and to the rest of you, NO YELLING 'BURN' IN MY CLASSROOM! Now let's finally start the lesson. Today you will be making 'Musicalus Dancius'." **( I made it up but it will be important later so remember it and what it does lol)**

"professor? Can this potion be used as an acceptable body lotion?" Ginny asked. **(I know Ginny isn't in their year either but it's my story so I am moving her up a year)**

"Ms. Weasley, this potion, if it gets on your skin, will turn you lime green and cause painful purple boils to grow that when touched will pop and neon pink goo will flow out of them."

"sooooooo….is that a yes or a no?"

" are you truly that dim witted?"

"..its not dark in here?"

"oh for the sake of Merlin's left butt cheek! No it can not be used as a body lotion!"

"okay! Jeez you didn't have to yell." Ginny mumbled.

"ugh how about if I don't say it can be used as body lotion you don't ask!"

"uh professor?" Hermione said. "you haven't even told us what the potion does yet?"

"which is why you should all stop interrupting me. Now the Musicalus Dancius potion, when drank, will cause the drinker to dance and sing as if in a musical. There is no way to stop the effects except to let it run its course. A single dose will have the drinker singing and dancing up to 3 hours."

Snape did not see the look that the friends and Draco shared with each other. When he turned around to face the class again they had already hidden their smirks.

After class they left the room only to see a group of first years heading down for their first ever potions class.

"hey kiddies listen to what uncle Ron has to say!" Ron gathered up the first years around him while the others watched on.

"as a prefect I would just like to inform you that Snape, the potions professor?, yeah he is the voice of god. So make sure after everything he says you say 'amen'. got it?" he asked them. A series of 'yes' and 'we understand' rang out.

"okay then kids have fun in class."

When the walked away they all broke into a fit of laughter.

"Ron that was bloody brilliant!" Fred said with tears in his eyes from laughing so hard.

"Snape won't know what is going on!" George's face mirrored his twin's. **(haha twins. Mirror. Get it? Lol sorry I'll be going now *runs back to hiding spot*)**

"so what else can we do?" Harry asked them.

"I'm sure we'll think of something."

_-I AM NOT ALLOWED TO SING "WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD" WHILE SKIPPING OFF TO THE HEADMASTER'S OFFICE._

_- IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO YELL, "BURN!" WHENEVER SNAPE TAKES POINTS AWAY FROM GRYFFINDOR._

_-I WILL NOT START EVERY POTIONS CALL BY ASKING SNAPE IF THE POTIONS IS ACCEPTABLE BODY LOTION._

_-I WILL NOT TELL THE FIRST YEARS THAT PROFESSOR SNAPE IS THE VOICE OF GOD._

**Wow 4 rules in one chapter. I didn't originally plan on doing more then one a chapter but it really does help get it written faster. Personally I like this chapter but its YOUR opinions I want to hear! PLEASE REVIEW!**


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